Dysphoria
by SiriuslyInLove-X
Summary: Sometimes you're involved in things you don't want to be involved in and things don't always end the way you want them to. But if you think logically, it's all about fate. At least that's what Effie thought. No one could change her fate. Not even Sirius.
1. Prologue

_~Prologue~_

'Lucifer James Nott; do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward?'

'I do.'

It was a confident reply, nothing unlike Lucifer, of course. Nasty, arrogant bastard that he is. I frequently recall setting fire to his robes when I was younger, when he would unexpectedly visit our household. This was long before I started Hogwarts; long before I learnt more _superior_ spells. Even then they were no use to me. No spell I knew could thwart Lucifer J. Nott. Nothing could stop that inglorious bastard when he had his mind set on something. Nothing. But, nobody knows about _that_ incident, do they?

'Amelie Florianne Hudson; do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward?'

I watched her breath flicker, an embarrassed smile dawn upon her made-up face as she took her time to determine her answer. Secretly, I was praying she would flee. Praying to God that she ran down that aisle as fast as her legs could carry her before apparating and disappearing. Gone. It would do her good too. I knew, that no one would ever want to enter this coven of life-sucking jerks if they knew what really went on. Amelie would be better off running. Her reply in these next few seconds would determine her fate.

'Amelie? We are awaiting your answer.'

Say nothing. Run. Just do it. Don't care for one moment what everyone thinks of you, just run. Yes, everyone will think you're a good-for-nothing coward, except myself obviously, so please just run when you have the chance. Please. I just want to see the look on his face. That look where he feels worthless. That look where he feels nothing. That no one would ever love him. I would relish in his sorrow.

She looked frightened now. I could see the whites of her eyes so clearly, her nostrils flaring, her chest heaving. I saw that apologetic look on her face when she glanced at Lucifer one last time. She quickly stepped off the platform and dashed down the aisle, tripping on her dress, not having the intelligence to at least hold it up. I have to admit, I must have been the only person under that awning that cracked a smile when she apparated into thin air.

All of a sudden, it was chaos. Everyone was off their seats, chattering away to one another; gossiping. Typical. I glanced around, the majority of the crowd seemed rather shocked by the outcome of the predicted 'perfect wedding'. And the thing was, it should have been. It was a sunny day, a nice temperature, the birds were chirping – everyone was happy. Although, clearly Amelie wasn't. When they first met, everyone thought it was love at first sight. Love. Love. Love. I barely knew the meaning of the word.

I left my seat, abandoning my family completely. I didn't think they would mind. I wandered towards the area behind the awning, where about forty tables were situated for the after-dinner. It wouldn't be a particularly jolly meal. But, for me, it would be. I grabbed the bottle of wine sitting in the middle of one of the tables and poured myself a glass, before seating myself to watch the commotion before me. It was incredibly amusing to say the least. I certainly hadn't wasted my time by coming, for it seemed _I_ was the only person who found this chaos … somewhat _entertaining_. Of course, it would probably be best if I didn't mention that to anyone. It might cause a bit of a stir.

Not that I had never caused a bit of a stir before. You see, I, Euphemia Aurelia Wilkes, am in Ravenclaw. Not in Slytherin like my dear brother, or the majority of my relatives. And of course, that came as a bit of a surprise to my family. Not to me though. I knew I was different. Not the 'Sirius Black type different' where he deliberately wanted to be sorted into Gryffindor to prove his parents wrong. The me type different. I personally don't give a damn about blood status. I don't care about purebloods or mudbloods, as muggle borns are called. And I don't care about this war that is going on, I am simply more enthralled by learning and books.

But that doesn't stop my parents attempting to brainwash me. It's not working though. But in the end, because of who I am related to and associate with, it will probably happen. Mostly because I will have no other choice. And now you're thinking to yourself that I should do a Sirius Black and become a blood traitor – rather that than being dead. Well that's where you're wrong. No, I don't want to die. I just want nothing to do with any of this. I just want to be me. Effie. Just Effie.

And 'Just Effie' had spotted a rather interesting scene occurring in the sunshine, just off the awning to where the after party tables began. The very man himself. Sirius Black. Being told off by his charming mother Walburga Black. Lovely woman really, that is, comparing her to a Banshee. Actually, no. I reckon she's just as bad as one. I sighed. This was turning out to be a very entertaining day for me. I sat back and watched, smirking contently.

'_Sirius Orion Black_! Wipe that bloody smirk off your face! I will _not_ have you embarrassing me in public. Now sit there and stay out of everyone's hair, or you'll wish you'd _never_ been born, boy!' Walburga Black screeched, glaring at her son as though he was the scum of the earth before strutting off under the awning. Well, she's not far from true. Okay, I admit that is a bit harsh. He's just an idiot who has no brain capacity.

Or common sense for that matter. I rolled my eyes are he began to shoot sparks out of his wand towards the awning. Asshole. He seemed to be oblivious to the fact that his mother hated him and wasn't going to object to cursing him into next week. Now, I being the ever wise one of Ravenclaw, filled another glass with wine, got to my feet and approached him. Not really the most sensible thing to do as Sirius Black is the known Playboy of Hogwarts and will hump anything with a pulse and tits. But I made my way towards him nonetheless.

'You do realise that your mother will curse your sorry arse off if that awning catches fire,' I said bluntly, startling him. He turned around quickly and stared incredulously at me. 'You'll no longer be known as the 'Playboy' of Hogwarts, but the 'Beaten to a Pulp by his Mother' boy of Hogwarts – _and_ you'll get laughed at.'

He narrowed his gaze, clearly not amused by my humor. 'Euphemia Wilkes, to what do I owe the pleasure?'

'Don't call me that,' I snapped, throwing him a disdainful glare.

'That's your name, is it not?'

'Yes. But Wilkes will do sufficiently. I don't want you getting too cozy – I might catch an STD,' I replied smugly, noticing how his eyes darkened as I insulted him. Not so cocky now, are we? He ignored me. I found it quite comical. Did he really think acting like a five year old would make me go away? 'Here.' I handed him the glass of wine. He looked at me with a raised eyebrow. 'Might as well take it while it's free. And no, I haven't poisoned it – I have no reason to.'

He grunted. 'Thanks,' he said, taking the glass from my hand. I could have sworn I seen him inspecting it. He swirled, and sniffed the content within the glass.

I tutted and rolled my eyes. 'Just drink the bloody thing.'

'Remind me why you're sitting here again?' Black asked, he clearly seemed annoyed that he was having to associate with me. He obviously didn't know that I felt precisely the same way about him. Only, I had more compassion and decided to warn him off setting the place ablaze and being cursed into next week.

'I thought you looked lonely.' He glanced at me scornfully, and I snorted. 'To be honest, Black, you aren't really my perfect choice of company, so consider yourself lucky,' I said honestly, before taking a sip from my glass. 'No, I simply noticed that you seemed to be enjoying this fiasco as much as I was, and taking full advantage of the provided entertainment. I mean, who would have though … _a runaway bride_.'

'I pitied the girl. Imagine having to marry that bastard,' Black said, nodding towards Lucifer Nott who was being consoled by his mother.

'I don't actually want to.' I watched Nott. The slimy bastard. He reminded me so much of Lucius Malfoy, apart from the long blonde hair. He just … repulsed me. I _hated_ him. I hated him with all the hate I could ever feel towards someone.

There was a brief silence between us as we watched a crowd gather around Nott, obviously giving their consolations.

'So Wilkes, what's it like being a blood traitor?'

I choked on air at Black's sudden outburst. 'Blood traitor?!' I stared at him disbelievingly. 'Just because I was sorted into Ravenclaw doesn't automatically assume me to be a blood traitor, Black. _You_ on the other hand … well, let's put it this way. _You_ got sorted into_ Gryffindor_, befriended a _Potter_, a _werewolf_ –'

'What?! How – what – _who_ told _you_?' Black hissed, staring me out as if to drag the answer from my mouth with his eyes.

I sighed. 'I have been in your year for five years, Black. Don't think I didn't have the brains to figure out where Lupin goes to once a month,' I said in a hushed voice. For though I didn't know Lupin that well, I didn't want to tell his secret. Just because my family is a whole lot of power-hungry, blood-thirsty animals, doesn't mean _I_ don't have a heart. 'And – ' I began, cutting him off, ' – before you go on a rant about how I must be sworn to secrecy … I've known since fourth year, I haven't told a soul, and nor do I intend to.'

'But _why_?'

'Because it's not my secret to tell! Are all Gryffindors this inconsiderate?'

'Sorry –'

'Don't say sorry. It's such an overused word, and no one actually means it.'

'But I was generally sorry.'

'Just shut up, Black. You're annoying me.'

'I don't think your mother is too pleased that you're associating with me, Wilkes,' Black said suddenly. I shot him a confused look. 'While you were being pushy, I couldn't help but notice your dear mother giving me the evils –'

'You know, you really should take up reading, Black. It would expand your vocabulary greatly,' I sneered, folding my arms. But, I was intent in finding my mother, just to see if he was telling the truth or not. I eventually found her, and reluctantly made eye contact with her. Her glare was penetrating, and I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. 'Black' she mouthed, nodding to the raven haired boy who I had chosen to sit beside. Perhaps he was right after all. 'Well, Black. It seems you were right. Mother is calling. I think it's her way of saying, 'stop associating with the blood traitor'. But then again, I wouldn't say her daughter is any different,' I said, getting to my feet and abandoning my half empty glass on the table behind us. 'See you at school, Black.' And with that, I walked off.

'Goodbye, Effie.'

I turned to look at him with my eyebrow cocked. He smirked. Effie? Since when does Black call me Effie? I shook my head and walked over to meet my mother. Much to my disappointment she was standing with none other than Lucifer. My skin crawled at the thought of having to converse with him. I walked up beside my mother. 'Is something wrong, mother?' I asked her, before she had even noticed I was there.

My mother looked startled. 'Oh Euphemia, darling! There you are! What were you doing sitting with that Black – you know he's bad news, dear. His mother keeps telling me the awful trouble she has with him, poor soul. It's best to stay away from him, dear,' she prattled on. I nodded, and smiled, pretending that I actually cared.

'Your mother _is_ right, Mia.' That voice. How I hated that smooth, attempt at seductive tone to his voice. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that Lucifer had managed to weasel his way to my side, and was currently invading my personal space. I felt an arm slide around my waist ever so casually; I clenched my teeth, my expression turned cold. I felt his breath on the side of my neck, but I remained composed. 'Best to stay away from boys … _they're nothing but_ _trouble_,' he whispered in my ear. Oh, the irony of what had just left his satanic mouth.

There was a pregnant pause. Only before my mother broke the silence by cooing and smiling happily. 'Why don't you two go and get some drinks? Catch up … hmmm?' she said, glancing between Lucifer and I suggestively. 'I'll leave you two _alone,_' she said before chuckling, and winking in my direction. And with that she disappeared into the crowds, leaving me in my own little nightmare. How I hated her for it.

'Get your fucking hands off of me,' I snarled.

Lucifer laughed. An evil laugh. How I wanted to decapitate him, and rip him limb from limb with my bare hands, right there and then. 'Always the comic, Mia,' he said, turning me brashly to look at him. I never made eye contact with him once. He put his arms around me and pulled me close. I held my breath, detesting every minute of it. 'Let's go somewhere a little more … _private_, shall we?' he whispered in my ear. His smell, his breath, his warmth was infesting my body. I couldn't get away from it. I tried to pull away. 'Ah, ah, aaahhh …_ Imperio_.'

Suddenly, I felt... relaxed. That every worry in my head had gone, and I didn't care about anything. There was nothing but an obscure and untraceable happiness inside me. _Follow Lucifer _… someone called me from inside my head. _Go on, follow him_ … He was standing there, as if he was waiting for me. But why should I follow him? _Follow him, now_ … So I just walked. And he was always ahead of me, glancing back every once in a while to check I was still there. But I had no reason to go back. Someone wanted me to follow him after all. _Come on, keep following him_ … and I did. I didn't know where this was. But there was a stone wall covered with ivy, hidden by a clump of trees. _Lean against the wall_ … Maybe I should, I was tired, and it looked comfortable. I walked forward and leant my back against the wall. _Be still and don't make a sound_ … I hadn't spoke since we left the awning, why would I speak now? Lucifer was smiling. I didn't know why. He approached me, putting his hands on the wall either side of my head. I looked at him curiously. He stared at me, looking me up and down. _Don't scream_ … what? This was stupid. Why would I scream? He moved his face closer to mine, his cheek brushed against mine. Immediately, I felt the empty feeling disappear, and I regained all consciousness.

It was as if I had woken up. But I had woken up into a nightmare. My heart raced, and I could hear my short, shallow breaths. His breath was warm, condensing my skin. I didn't move as his hands wandered to my waist.

'Don't say a word. Don't scream. Just be quiet.'

I swallowed hard and closed my eyes as he began to kiss my jaw. He moved down to my neck, his warm lips working their way around along my neck and to the other side of my jaw. He stopped suddenly. I kept my eyes closed.

'Look at me.'

I didn't want to. I wasn't going to. He couldn't make me.

'I said. _Look at me_.'

I whimpered, and fluttered my eyes open. I stared into his dull, grey eyes. He couldn't break me with that piercing stare; and I was going to show him he couldn't.

'You have such pretty, green eyes, Mia.'

My lip curled as I glared at him. Flattery couldn't win me. I hated him. Nothing could change that.

'You have very, pretty, pink lips too – '

Out of my eyes, I saw movement, and I sensed someone's presence. I turned my head to see Sirius Black standing, staring at the scene before him, my black cardigan in his hands. I sighed. A sigh of relief. 'Uh … Wilkes. You left your jacket behind,' he said simply, running a hand through his hair.

I watched him and glanced back at Lucifer. He did not look amused. I pushed him away, and scurried towards Black, glancing back at Nott who was sending a deathly glare my way. I didn't care. 'It's not a jacket, Black. It's a cardigan,' I said, sending him a rather thankful gaze, before snatching it out of his hands. 'Thanks.'

Then I walked away, looking over my should at them both. I sent a warning gaze to Sirius, before fleeing back to the awning.

Sirius Black had actually … _saved me_. Although, I bet he hardly did it on purpose. After all, he is an inconsiderate Gryffindor with absolutely no brain capacity _whatsoever_.

**So, I hope you liked the prologue! I actually really enjoyed writing this, and I think this will be quite an exciting story (: Anyway, I want your feedback! Review, review, review!! Seriously, I need to know whether or not to continue it. **

**Thanks for reading! ~Tori**


	2. Chapter One

_~Chapter One~_

'But _Siri_, couldn't we go somewhere a little more _private_?'

Now, when one goes to the library, they expect a little peace and quiet. You know, so that they can finish their essays, or simply spend time reading a book. One does not expect to have to listen to hormone infested adolescents passing their time snogging the faces off one another. Nor does one expect to have to witness it. It seemed I had the great misfortune to pick the wrong bookshelf to sit behind. The unmistakable moans and groans were burning my ears, and it seemed as though no one had the nerve to stop it. Of course, I never liked to interfere. I liked keeping to myself, and letting others sort out their own problems. Rather like this war between good and evil that seems to be occurring. I had no interest in joining any side. But it seemed my mother didn't yet know of my resolution.

For she had sent me a letter. A letter explaining of the plans this Voldemort person had for me. And I didn't quite understand. Even when this topic was spoken of at home, I had never offered my opinion, or even showed any interest in it whatsoever. One could say, I was rather _confused_.

_Dearest Euphemia,_

_I hope you are well, and that you are continuing to thrive in your studies. For as you know, the things you learn will benefit you in the future. I know that you have spoken little about your future, but I would like to inform you that the Dark Lord has great plans for you. We have spoken of him before, my dear, although you did not seem enthralled. Clearly because you did not understand his concept. We have told him many things about you, and he seems taken by your great intelligence, and feels you may help him to accomplish his intentions. I shall, of course, inform you of any progression in the course of your future task. _

A task. I was to be assigned a task. And against my own will, might I add. I admit, I know things about the Dark Lord, but never had I the desire to join his ranks and complete unmentionable tasks for him. For they all seemed terribly barbaric. And yet here I was, practically being forced by my own mother. It appeared as though I was alone in this world after all.

_I don't want you getting worried, you will be perfectly fine, and Regulus Black will be there to help you. I know he's a year younger than you, but I believe, from very reliable sources that he has received the Dark Mark. So if you have any queries, I am sure he will be willing to answer them. Your brother, Judas knows of these plans also, so if you seek his help, he will be willing to give you advice. Good luck, my child, for we all expect great things from you._

_Sincerely, your loving mother_

Yes, yes, mother. You are incredibly loving. Throwing your only daughter into grave peril is an exceptionally adoring way to show it. I could tell that my future was not looking bright. But I found it best not to dwell on the subject too long. It seemed as the though it was my destiny really. What with Death Eater activity increasing over the last few months, it was inevitable that they were recruiting more members. And in fact, once again, it was inevitable that I was going to be a part of it.

I scanned over the letter once more, only to be interrupted by the slightly louder moaning now taking place on the other side of the bookshelf. A darkened expression dawned upon my face. This was not something I wished to overhear on a regular basis, but at the moment I was in a rather unfortunate position. For it had happened yesterday too. But with two different hormone infested adolescents who looked as though they had not yet undergone puberty.

I let out a small growl, and raised from my seat. I walked calmly around the shelf, and peered around. My assumption had been proved correct. It _was_ Black and one of his whores. After all, who else would be expected to have the puke-worthy nickname of _Siri_? I rolled my eyes and leaned against the bookshelf, folding my arms. 'Ahem,' I coughed loudly. Immediately they became unglued. I received a glare from Black, and an attempt of a dirty look from the blonde. 'This is a library, Black. I propose that you respect the wishes of others and keep quiet … or preferably take your hussy somewhere where we can't hear her.'

Black raised his eyebrow, and the blonde scoffed.

'Oh cry me a river, you blonde imbecile.'

'It would be nice if you didn't insult my girlfriend, Wilkes –'

'Well, I think it would be nice if you would _leave_.'

Black glanced briefly at his blonde companion. 'We were just leaving, weren't we, Claudia?' he said. Claudia nodded enthusiastically, before sending me a smug look. Did she think I fancied him or something? Clearly she's thicker than she looks. 'Goodbye, Wilkes.'

I was about to let them walk off, before I remembered. 'Wait! Black!' I called after him. He turned to look at me, confusedly. 'I have something to inform you of, and I believe you may find it of interest,' I said, referring to what I knew about his brother. After all, he was cut off from his family completely, and it was obvious that he wasn't going to hear about it soon.

He watched me expectantly, 'Well?'

I tutted. 'I think it would be more appropriate if we spoke about the matter _alone_.' Then I turned to his girlfriend, and put on a fake smile. 'You do know what that means, don't you? That means you're going to have to _leave_.' And with that, she spun on her heel and scurried out of the library. I smiled contentedly to myself. Some people have no backbone.

'You said you had something to tell me, Wilkes. What is it?'

'Do you purposely choose thick, uneducated bimbos to be your girlfriends?'

'Is this what you wanted to talk about?'

'No, I was just stating that she's as thick as shit.'

Black sighed exasperatedly, clearly I had struck a nerve. 'Look Wilkes, if you're just going to waste my time because your jealous or something, just admit it. I don't have the time to sit around and listen to you insult my girlfriend – '

I laughed loudly – forgetting that I was in the library. 'You think I'm jealous? Don't flatter yourself, Black. I actually have something rather juicy to tell you about, something involving your little brother,' I said, dropping the sound of my voice to a whisper. I looked him straight in the eyes, and instantly they appeared worried, or anxious. I smirked. 'Oh, so you do still care.'

'Of course I still care – he's my brother,' Black hissed.

'Well, that might change after what I tell you.'

'What do you mean?'

'What I mean is, Black … your little brother has _the_ _Dark Mark_.'

He stared at me, shocked and perhaps somewhat outraged. His fists were clenched, and I could see him physically trying to refrain himself. 'You're lying!' he spat, approaching me angrily. His face was milimetres from mine. 'You're a liar.'

I rolled my eyes. 'Why would I lie, Black? Do you think I seek pleasure from watching you squirm in discomfort, knowing that Regulus has become a Death Eater? What sort of person do you think I am?'

'You're a cold, heartless bitch, that's what you are.'

'I have to be a cold, heartless bitch, because that's what it takes to survive in the world I live in, Black. You're lucky you've escaped it.' His eyes never left mine once. His showed no emotion, and neither did mine. Inside, I felt trapped. I knew I wouldn't get out of this mess, but he would never know that. He had escaped the fate that I hadn't. In my eyes he was a coward. He hadn't faced his true destiny. Even if that was death. We were silent. I could see him deciphering what I had said, but he would never know that true meaning of it. 'I suggest you get back to your bimbo, Black. She's probably got lost on the way back to her common room.'

And with that I left him standing. Still confused, and unknowing of my troubles.

I couldn't think of anywhere to go. Well, Ravenclaw Tower was seeming most popular at the moment. Anything to get away from Black. Anything to get away from an interrogation. It was uncanny that I seemed to be being sociable with him. Although, I guess I had to thank him in some way for saving me over the summer – even if it was by chance. I walked down the corridor towards the main stairwell, which hosted, I'm sure, over a hundred staircases. And they moved. You didn't just have to think about which stair to use, but you had to watch out for moving ones, and ones that had trick steps. It's a very unusual, yet amusing method to get rid of unsuspecting first years, or thick, uneducated bimbos like Claudia. It is beneficial in a way, I mean, no one gets blamed if they fall a hundred feet to their death. And there are certainly some people in this school who I would be willing to send onto the wrong stairs on purpose. But, no one needs to know that.

Eventually, after walking down a number of staircases, I made it to the Entrance Hall. I decided against going to Ravenclaw Tower, and instead going out and sitting by the lake. It's much more quiet there anyway. All you can hear in the Ravenclaw common room is pages turning, spells being muttered and books being set upon the tables. Which in my opinion is very distracting. Of course, I am being sarcastic. As well as all that, there is the usual chattering, and occasionally a little argument. We Ravenclaws aren't just bookworms, you know. I know very interesting facts about some Ravenclaws that would make your hair curl. But I'll save those for another day, or when I need to blackmail someone.

The sun was shining in the courtyard, and as I walked through I was met by a large group of Slytherins, in which my brother, Judas, was present. I nodded curtly to the few I knew. 'Effie! See you later guys. _Important stuff_ to talk about with my little sis,' I heard, as Judas came up behind me and nudged me in the shoulder. 'I assume you got the letter mother sent you?'

'Yes, I did.'

'And?'

'And what?'

'Aren't you pleased? I mean, you've being set a task by the _Dark Lord_. You're going to accomplish a task for the greater good of the Wizarding world. Don't you know what that means?'

'The greater good? And what would that be, Judas? Getting rid of all the mudbloods and halfbloods because they're overpopulating like rats in a sewer?'

'Exactly! You seem to have a good idea of what it's about already.'

'What if I don't think it's a good idea, Judas? I don't want to have anything to do with this! What if I just want to mind my own business and live my own life? What if I just want to be me?'

'Sometimes you have to be someone else to succeed in this world, Effie –'

'But I don't want to succeed in the world! I don't want _anything_ to do with this! And no one seems to understand that.'

'You don't really have any choice, Effie. Either you complete this task or you – you – '

'_Die_.'

'Well … the Dark Lord may be lenient. You are only sixteen after all –'

'I really don't think this Voldemort will care if I'm sixteen or not, Judas.'

After that, he didn't reply. It was obvious I was right. Voldemort was hardly going to care that he was taking the life of a sixteen year old who had her whole life ahead of her. All he would care about is his plans and how that sixteen year old girl ruined them. I didn't want to die. But then again, I didn't know what this plan was. Basically I had to choose one of four options; complete the task, die, go into hiding or kill myself. Not exactly the best options, but it was what I had to live with. I wasn't worried, nor was I scared. For I knew what was going to happen, and the consequences. I just didn't know what the task was. I had to admit, I was hoping it wouldn't be something terribly barbaric. At least then I would have all four options, and not three.

Then he startled me. 'By the way, mother seems to think that you're rather taken by Nott –' I turned to stare incredulously at him. ' – it appears that they may be arranging a marriage for you once you leave Hogwarts – '

'WHAT?! You cannot be serious! I _hate_ him! Can't she see that I absolutely detest him?' I exclaimed; my life could not get much worse. Perhaps it would be best if I just ended my life after all.

'To be honest, I thought she was joking at first. Then Nott sent me a letter confirming it,' Judas said uneasily. 'I think she just wants you to be married into a good family, Effie. She saw you sitting with Black at the wedding and was worried you were_ smitten,_ was how she put it. She's only thinking of your best interests –'

'Does it not matter what _I_ think? To hell with being married into a good family! I don't want some sleazy bastard of a husband! And s_mitten with Black_? Has she lost her marbles?!' I shouted, although regretting it instantly as it seemed we had earned some unwanted attention. I had to stay calm. Ravenclaws are cool, calm and collected. What the hell was I thinking? I was having a major crisis. I could not, in no way possible, stay calm. 'Is there any way I could stop her from organising the wedding?'

'Well, you could top yourself,' Judas replied jokingly. Little did he know that I was actually considering it. 'You don't have to do this all alone, Effie. I am here to help you know. And I'll try and talk mother out of the wedding. Anyway, I'm pretty sure father doesn't want you marrying someone like Nott.'

'Anyone in their right mind wouldn't want to marry Nott.'

'I guess you're right,' Judas replied, scratching his head. Of course I was right. Since when am I ever wrong. 'Listen, the guys are probably wondering where I am, so I better go. If you ever need help, Effie, remember I'm here and remember you're not alone. I'll see you later, yeah?' I nodded slightly. 'Chin up, kid,' he said, bringing his hand up and nudging my chin. I managed a smile, as he ran off after his group of mates.

Chin up. Sticking my chin up won't make things okay. I might make things look like they're okay, but they're really not. I knew this year was going to be hard. Hell, it was only October. But, I couldn't let people think I was cracking. I couldn't give away the fact that I … that I may, in fact, end up helping the darkest wizard of all time. People would hate me. Not that I cared. But then, then I would be alone. Even more alone than I am now. And that couldn't get much worse. I had to be strong. I couldn't cry every time something didn't go my way. I just had to face the facts that I was unfortunately part of something that I didn't want to be part of.

I walked back to Ravenclaw Tower. It seemed the only place I really could go. It was around four o'clock on a Sunday afternoon, there was hardly going to be anyone in the dormitory. So that would give me time to think.

When I reached the portrait of Rowena Ravenclaw, I stopped in front of her. She smiled at me, before saying; 'What can be broken, but not shattered? And what can be interrupted, but not outspoken?'

'Silence.' Which was exactly what I needed.

**A quick update! I hope you liked it! Review, review, review! I would love to know what you think! Thanks a bunch, guys! ~Tori **


	3. Chapter Two

_~Chapter Two~_

Potions had never really been one of my favourite subjects. Yes, I was good at it, but that didn't matter. I still wasn't very fond of it. Or Professor Slughorn. I think it might have been his unnaturally persistent, cheerful mood. Or his unnecessary babbling. Either way, I did not enjoy Potions. And nothing could change that. Well, that's what I thought anyway.

I made my way down towards the dungeons; Potions always took place there. The corridors were very quiet. The reason being, I was late. No intentionally, of course. I had to speak to Professor McGonagall after Transfiguration about the essay that she had assigned. She had seemed surprisingly eager to talk for longer than I had expected, thus resulting in me being later than I had thought for my least favourite class. Not that I was complaining. As I opened the door to the Potions classroom, all eyes landed on me.

'Ah, Miss Wilkes! How nice of you to join us!' Professor Slughorn boomed. Once again, his cheerfulness ever present. I managed a grim smile, before closing the door behind me. 'I have assigned you all with new partners for the rest of the year,' he informed me. Great. It would be my luck to get stuck with the most dimwitted git in the year. 'Now, who was it that I made your partner?' he said, presumably to himself as I made my way further into the room. 'Ah yes! Black.' _Sirius Black? _Fan – bloody – tastic. Of all the people in the class he could have picked. He chose to partner me with him. It'll be hell. It was only last week when I was unknowingly submitted to being a guinea pig for their new prank. Let's just say I wasn't the only one who ended up in the Hospital Wing. 'There he is over there, Miss Wilkes.'

Oh yes, I could see him. No need to point him out, Professor Slughorn. I walked over to where Black was perched at the back of the room. And without making any slight gesture to him, I sat down on the stool beside him, took my books out of my bag, before setting my bag on the floor. Meanwhile, at the front of the room, Professor Slughorn was explaining the properties of the root of asphodel, and how it was going to be used in the potion we had to concoct.

'Good morning, Euphemia.'

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Black waiting for my response. I sighed, 'Good morning, Black,' came my reply. He smirked, and I rolled my eyes at his action. I was surprised that for the next ten minutes, Black remained quiet. Not even any signs of him planning some sort of unruly prank. And this, I had to say, shocked me. That was until he began scribbling away on a piece of parchment. That was when I got anxious. I glanced down at the parchment, trying to see what he was writing. It was annoying me, not knowing what he was doing. 'Whatever prank you're planning, leave me out if it, Black.'

He looked up at me, his eyebrows knitted. 'I'm not planning a prank. I'm writing to Prongs,' he said bluntly. A confused expression dawned on my face. Prongs? Black certainly was something. 'And before you say I'm going mad or something; I'm not. James' nickname is Prongs.'

'It's not very fitting. Pongs would have suited better,' I said smartly. 'Evans would certainly agree with me.'

'Evans has some very colourful nicknames for James. But, I have to admit, _Pongs_ isn't one of them,' Black replied. I was slightly disappointed that my inventive nickname for Potter was not in Evans dictionary of insults she frequently used for him. But nonetheless, I could always bring it up. 'You're very quiet today, Wilkes. Cat got your tongue?'

'No, a cat has not got my tongue, Black. I simply don't have anything to say,' I said honestly. It was unusual, normally I would be the one instigating the painful conversations between Black and myself. But it seemed that today, Black was the one avoiding the silence.

'What? No gossip? You know how you hear all the juicy stuff from the dark side,' Black said, with a hint of humor in his voice. He was right though, if anything had happened or was going to happen; I knew about it. It came with being in a dark, pure blood family. 'So there is no gossip from the dark side then? That's disappointing.'

I huffed. 'No, Black. No gossip. Now would you please shut the hell up!' I snapped.

'Oh, okay then, Wilkes. No need to get angry,' Black said, carelessly.

He went quiet again. Much to my pleasure. Slughorn was still babbling on at the front of the classroom, and I found it hard to concentrate. I was tired, and Slughorn's babble wasn't exactly useful, so I decided to put the rest of the lesson to good use. I leaned forward and lay my head on my folded arms, before closing my eyes. My mind was blank; all the better for sleeping. Staying awake the night before to finish essays was not good for my energy, and after five minutes, I had fallen into a deep sleep.

_I opened my eyes slightly, before closing them again. I snapped them open, realizing that I wasn't in the Potions classroom any more. I cautiously sat up; I was in a dimly lit room with grey, stone walls. It was unfamiliar to me. And as I looked around, I found that I was the only one present. I stood up, and looked all around again; I was enclosed. The walls were covered in a green slime, and there was puddles of water on the stone floor. I took one step forwards, still baffled as to where I was and why I was here. _

_'No need to be puzzled, Euphemia. It was I who brought you here.'_

_I glanced around but there was no one there. Where had the voice come from? _

_' I am in your head, my dear.' _

_My expression screwed into a confused contortion. In my head. I'm not sure I like you being in my head, so I hope you wouldn't mind removing yourself. _

_The voice chuckled, 'I like your humor, young one.' _

_But that wasn't humor; I was being serious. I decided to ignore the voice and attempt to find a way out. Though, as I looked around the room, I was beginning to think that it would be impossible. There was no visible outlines of doors; and no windows. I sighed. _

_'I presume you are wondering why you are here? Well, you see that disgusting vermin in the corner –' I quickly spun around, immediately noticing a person tied up and whimpering. My stomach lurched. – 'You are to dispose of this person.' My eyes widened at the prospect. No. No way. 'This vermin, is a mudblood. Worthless, incompetent and impure. If you want to prove your loyalty to me, you must be willing to do as I say – or pay the consequences.' _

_My stomach was churning … I was to kill this innocent person? I couldn't! That was just barbaric. _

_'Barbaric or not, this mudblood deserves whatever it gets … over to you, Euphemia. You know the spell.' _

_Avada Kedavra … _

_'Very good, now use it.'_

_But … no! I can't just kill a person! It's just … it's wrong!_

_'Nothing is wrong or right, Euphemia. It's about cleansing the population and ridding it of vermin such as this. I need strong, intelligent witches and wizards by my side, who are willing to serve me. Those who won't serve me … will pay the consequences. Now … DO IT!' _

_My palms were sweaty, I could feel a cold sweat rush over my body. My head was thumping uncomfortably. I stared over at the person, who remained slumped in the corner, whimpering. I slowly reached my hand into my pocket; my fingers caressed the smooth mahogany wood of my wand. I couldn't. I just couldn't. _

_'You are trying my patience, girl! Kill the mudblood!' _

_'No! I'm not doing it! You can't make me!' I shouted, distressingly. I immediately regretted snapping out. Anxious as to what might happen to me now, my breathing became shallow, and I felt like I was bathing in a pool of sweat. I waited. Waited for a reply, or something. Then it came;_

_'That … was a very unwise thing to say.' _

_I gasped; my heart leaped and I spun around until I was face to face with Voldemort. He stared at me with little remorse, his wand raised. _

_'Crucio.' _

_Immediately, I was hit with a rush of pain, like hot daggers scathing my body. I screamed and crashed to the floor. 'No, no, please stop!' I screamed throatily, through coarse breathing. 'Please stop! Please …' I sobbed; the pain was unbearable. It felt as though my limbs were being pulled from my body and contorted in all sorts of weird ways. It felt as though red hot pokers were being stabbed into my body at every angle possible. It felt … words could not describe the pain. 'Stop it, please! I'm begging you!' I cried out breathlessly, praying that he would heed my words. But the pain kept coming, and I had no energy to carry on protesting. So I lay there, panting heavily, letting the pain engulf my body. And then, I felt nothing … _

'Euphemia? Are you alright?'

I felt cold. And my body was aching. I heard voices whispering. I moaned in pain; everywhere hurt. I slowly opened my eyes, squinting slightly. I was surrounded by the entire class and Professor Slughorn and I was lying on the stone floor. Great. I groaned, and sat up quickly. Immediately regretting it as my head began to spin. I closed my eyes and put my hands to my head.

'Effie?'

I opened my eyes to find myself face to face with Sirius Black. He was staring intensely at me through those dense grey eyes, his eyebrows knitted together. He looked rather … concerned. Or rather, curious. He cocked his head sideways, continuing to stare at me, as though trying to figure out something.

'Are you okay?' he asked me. He was still staring.

'I'm fine thanks, Black. You can stop staring now,' I said bluntly.

He rolled his eyes and reached his hand out towards my face. I scowled, moving my head away. But he brushed his hand against my temple. I watched as he retreated his arm. His fingers were covered in blood. I gasped, putting my own hand up to my head. I could feel the wetness of the blood on my fingers. I glanced at him, my eyes wide, before I quickly got to my feet.

'Miss Wilkes? Are you alright, my dear? You seem to have taken a knock to the head, perhaps you should go to the Hospital Wing,' Professor Slughorn said, as I quickly gathered all my belongings and stuffed them into my messenger bag.

I marched through the classroom, ignoring the stares from the other pupils. 'I'm sorry, Professor – but I must go,' I said, glancing back at him. He was standing beside Black, who had bent down to pick something up. I did not wait for a response. I swung open the door, creating a loud bang as it hit the wall. Not caring at all as I heard a crash of cauldrons, I waltzed out into the corridor. I could feel the blood still trickling down the side of my face. But I wasn't going to the Hospital Wing – I had to find my brother. I walked around the school, looking in every possible classroom, the library, and even his 'socializing spots'. The only place I could think of was the Slytherin Common Room. But there was no way in hell I was getting in there.

Instead, I walked through the courtyard, and sat down on the grass on top of the hill which led down to Hagrid's hut. I couldn't believe this was really happening. I was beginning to doubt if it was even _real_. I mean, it was just so extraordinary – I couldn't explain it. It had scared me, being face to face with Voldemort. And to think that this is what I would have to go through from now on. It was a rather sickening thought. Imagine, if I carried through these tasks, I would be a known Death Eater, a servant of the Dark Lord. But... I didn't want that. I didn't want to be known by anyone. I just wanted to live in peace. If I didn't do these tasks, I would be a known liability of the Wilkes family; frowned upon, disliked by all family members. Or, I could even be killed, murdered by the Dark Lord, like many others before me. I didn't have many choices.

'You're alive then?'

I quickly turned myself, and standing behind me was my brother. The one I had been searching for. But instead, he had found me. I turned back around to watch the smoke billowing out of the chimney of Hagrid's hut. 'Barely. My whole body is aching, and my head is bleeding,' I replied blandly, as if it was nothing. But it wasn't. It was everything now.

'Ah, I see. Used the old Cruciatus curse on you then?' Judas asked; he was still standing behind me.

I gasped and turned to face him again. I looked at him incredulously. 'You knew this was going to happen? Thanks for warning me, you son of a bitch! I just dozed off in Potions and woke up in some room with a whimpering mudblood! And what was I supposed to do? Kill it!' I yelled angrily, getting to my feet. For being a brother, he wasn't a very protective one. He simply rolled his eyes as if it was nothing. Of course he would think that; he _was_ a Death Eater. Killing was his _thing_. 'And, just because I didn't kill someone, that – that – _Voldemort _bloody well cursed me!'

'You're going to have to get used to it,' Judas said simply, shrugging slightly. I gaped at him. I did not want to get used to being treated like some mongrel. And I certainly didn't want to get used to being tortured, just because I didn't want to end someones life. How cruel is that. 'Anyway,' he said, obviously brushing off the fact that his very own sister had just been cursed, 'Did you get the letter?'

Puzzled, I furrowed my eyebrows. 'Letter? What letter?' I asked; I hadn't received a letter recently, from anyone at all. Not even my mother, not even an update about my _task_. Nothing.

'The one I put in your bag this morning.'

I had found no letter in my bag. But maybe that was because I hadn't looked for it specifically. I sent Judas an indifferent look, before grabbing my bag, opening it and beginning to fumble around in it. After having no luck, I emptied the entire contents of my bag onto the grass, opening every book, and looking in every possible nook and cranny it could be in. It wasn't there. I tried to remember back to when I could have possibly used my bag, or taken things out of it. Suddenly, it struck me. It could have fell out of my bag. But the only class I had had was Potion. It could have fell out in Potions as I rushed to tidy my things away. Someone could have picked it up. Oh shit. Someone could have it. Fuck. I gasped; my eyes widened, my mouth agape. Holy shit! Fuck. Wank. Sirius Black! He was picking something up as I walked out of the Potions room!

'Fuck! I have to go! Now,' I said quickly getting to my feet, as I stuffed all my books in my bag. I scrambled up the slope towards the courtyard, swinging my bag over my shoulder. Oh crap. I'm dead. He'll know. He'll have read it. He'll have – he'll have found out my task. Bollocks. I ran through the courtyard as fast as my scrawny legs could carry me. I had to get that letter back. He couldn't know. Him and his big mouth could ruin everything. I skidded to a stop as I entered the Entrance Hall; almost falling over on the slippery marble floor. What class was I in now? Think. Think. Think. I couldn't! All I could think about was that bloody letter! Wait. I wasn't in class. I had a free period. Which meant Black also had a free period, because we were in Transfiguration afterwards. Merde! He'll be with his asshole friends. Great. I ran towards the Transfiguration corridor, looking out the windows to see if I could see him sitting out by the lake. No luck. I could try the Gryffindor Common room; at least I might have a bit of luck there. After climbing three thousand dozen sets of stairs, I finally got to the fourth floor. I walked towards the portrait, which was of a rather fat woman.

'Can I help you?' she asked in a haughty tone, as I came to a halt in front of her.

'I need to speak to Sirius Black,' I said bluntly. She just looked at me. I scowled. 'Couldn't you just let me in or something? I'll be two minutes. I just need to retrieve something from him.'

'You're not a Gryffindor.'

'Well I know that! I would be in there by now, if I was! Jesus, just let me in, woman. That idiot stole something from me, and I need it back. It's very important,' I snapped, losing my temper. Why did paintings have to be so goddamned stubborn? I groaned; this was impossible. 'Please, just let me in. I'm not going to hurt him or anything, I just want my letter back.'

'I'm sorry; but I can't let you in.'

'Rowena Ravenclaw's portrait on the sixth floor has crate of liquor in it; she visits another portrait on the third floor every Tuesday morning at 11am, leaving the liquor unattended. And today happens to be Tuesday. And – ' I glanced down at my watch,' – it's five past eleven,' I said. For a Ravenclaw; I was pretty cunning. A Slytherin would be proud of that deception. Also it was a good thing that I knew that the Fat Lady was particularly fond of alcohol.

The Fat Lady's eyes lit up. 'Well, why didn't you say so? Just let yourself out when you've finished,' she said happily, swinging her portrait forward so reveal a large tunnel.

I grinned, and climbed through the portrait hole and into the tunnel. I could see the Gryffindor Common Room, it was warm, with primarily red and gold colours. I could hear chattering, and I felt a bit intimidated, knowing that I was a Ravenclaw. I was intruding. I quietly walked towards the entrance to the Common Room. I peered around the wall. Black and his friends where sitting in front of the fireplace; laughing and joking. I mustered up the courage and walked into the room, towards them. He was sitting with his back to me. Potter and Lupin noticed me, but said nothing. They didn't acknowledge me in the slightest.

'I'd like my letter back please, Black.'

He jumped and turned around to face me. He stared at me incredulously. 'What – how – how did _you_ get in here?' he asked bewilderedly.

I rolled my eyes. 'Does that really matter, Black? I'm here now. Can I have my letter back now?'

'What letter?'

'Don't play stupid with me, Black. I seen you picking something up when I walked out of Potions this morning.'

'How do you know it was your letter?'

'Because it's missing. Now just give me the bloody thing!'

Black smirked; he knew he had hit a nerve. 'But why should I give you this letter, Wilkes? Is it important? It must be if you want it back _so badly_.' I glared fiercely at him. He was such a dickhead. 'It must be full of secrets, or something. Is it?'

'That's none of your business.'

'But … I could make it my business,' Black said, fumbling around in the pockets of his trousers, before eventually revealing a brown envelope. That was it. My letter. 'See.. I could just .. even – ' he slipped his finger into the slit at the top of the envelope, and ripped it slightly, '– open it.'

'Don't you dare,' I warned, whipping my wand out from my robes and pointing it straight at him.

Black sighed. 'Fine, have it your way,' he said, holding the brown envelope out towards me. I made a motion to grab it from him, but he pulled it out of my reach. 'One condition,' he smirked smugly. I was seething with rage. 'You tell me what's on that letter, or I open it and let the whole school know.'

'You bastard,' I snarled.

'Fine. Tomorrow, the whole school will know your secret.'

I shook my head disbelievingly, running my hands through my hair. I didn't know what to do. Might as well take a chance. 'I'll tell you in private. You and you only will know. I hope that satisfies you, Black. Now give me the bloody letter.'

And with that he threw it at me. It landed in my hands, revealing the back of the envelope. It was stamped closed with a stamp of the Dark Mark.

**Hope you liked the update! Please REVIEW! Thanks! **

**I've finally finished my exams, so I can concentrate on updating all my stories now! I feel so bad for leaving them for so long, but I promise to try and update most of them pretty soon! **

**~ Tori (: **


	4. Chapter Three

_~Chapter Three~_

I had to admit; I was afraid. Although, I wasn't sure why. It was just a letter... a letter with a Dark Mark on it, right? It was hardly going to grow arms and strangle me, was it? … Or was it? That was the thing, I couldn't be sure. I could barely look at it. I didn't even want to touch it. I certainly didn't want to know what obscenities were scrawled onto it. I didn't even want to imagine. But I did know one thing. It definitely wasn't someone writing to me to wish me a Happy Hallowe'en.

Not only did I have a dilemma with discovering the backbone to actually open the letter. I had another small problem. The small, though, slightly big-headed problem being Sirius Black himself. Who had unnervingly weaseled his way into my business. Or rather, more bluntly; he was being an absolute wanker, who was making my life even more complicated than it already was.

Speaking of the world's biggest wanker. He's here. Right now. With me, in the Room of Requirements. Waiting for me to … _read_ … the letter. Words cannot explain how infuriated I am. That _idiot _had the nerve to humiliate me in front of his friends. And _blackmail_ me into telling him what was on this... fucking letter. Urgh. I have to admit, I'm having trouble containing myself. If I didn't have good self control, all that would be left of him would be a little splatter of blood on my shoe. What an arsehole. He's just sitting there, a smug, little smirk on his face, waiting.

'Aren't you going to open it?' he asked.

I looked at him as though he was Satan himself. How _dare_ he? One cannot rush these things. Did he honestly think I was looking forward to seeing what was on this letter? Obviously, he had no idea whatsoever what I was dealing with. This was, seriously, a life and death matter. And it was _my_ life that was at stake. It certainly wasn't something I wanted to throw away to the dogs. All I wanted, was a little moment to think, before I permanently put my life in peril. Which was exactly what this letter was going to do.

I reached into my pocket. Against my own will it seemed. My thoughts were screaming; no! But my hand continued to fumble for the envelope. Who was I kidding? I really didn't have any choice. I could hardly hide from Voldemort. And killing myself was a coward's way out. And let's face it, the reality is, I'll have to die sometime anyway. I mean... it can't be that _painful_.

The envelope was in my hand now. I was staring down at the front of it. Neatly scrawled there, was my name. My full name. The scrawl was unrecognizable. It certainly wasn't of someone I knew. I flipped it over, and there it was. Staring up at me again. The Dark Mark. I shuddered. I had a slight inkling who this letter was from, but I didn't want to believe myself. I let my finger run along the edge of the envelope, to where Black had ripped it slightly. I pulled on the rip; opening it even more. My heart was racing. And I couldn't wait, so I quickly and carelessly ripped the envelope in two. A piece of fine, thin parchment fell at my feet. I could see the writing through the thin parchment. It was written in black ink, and there were a few splodges splattered around the edges. I let the envelop drop to the floor, and picked up the letter. It was folded very neatly, I noticed. Unlike the writing on the other side, which looked spidery and straggly. I pulled on a corner of the parchment, opening the letter out.

_Dearest Euphemia, _

'Well, what does it say?' Black interrupted. I sent him a scathing look, before ignoring his presence. After composing myself once more, I read on.

_I hope you are well, especially after our brief encounter previously. I must assume, that now, you realise what is to be expected of you – or the consequences may be unavoidable. You mother, I believe, has been contacting you, and informing you of any progression. It is true. As part of the family of well-known purebloods, it is in your best interests to follow through with the task I am about to set you. _

_As you know, I am gathering followers; witches and wizards who will help me to go through with my desires. My desires being to overthrow the Ministry, and to cleanse the wizarding population. That of course, means the eliminate the muggle-borns, and such, who are impure. There is, mainly, one wizard who stands in my way. Albus Dumbledore – who you are of course, familiar with as he is your Headmaster. Your task, is to eradicate Dumbledore from the equation, leaving Hogwarts unprotected. I know that you, Euphemia, are capable, and sufficiently intelligent to complete this task, and I show no regards as to how you … dispose … of your Headmaster. _

_However, if you do not accept this task, I regret to inform you that your life may end up hanging on by a whim. I do not take rejection lightly; especially from my followers. Let that be your warning, young one. _

_There are, of course, other matters. I believe you have been told of recent happenings, in which Regulus Black was awarded the Dark Mark. I have made arrangements for you to be awarded yours, as I feel that it is necessary. On the eleventh night in November, a portkey will be positioned in the Forbidden Forest, by the creek. Your brother, and a few others shall meet with you there. You must reach this destination before midnight to be transported from the grounds. My Death Eaters and I shall be awaiting; we look forward to witnessing your presence. _

_Furthermore, I believe that is all. I look forward to seeing you, and hearing of your intentions, Euphemia._

_T.M.R _

I stared at the letter. My face was a blank canvas. Inside, I was crying out. Of all the barbaric tasks I could have been set, my task was to murder my Headmaster. The greatest wizard … in the _entire_ world. I really stand a chance accomplishing this task, don't I? Let's see, just walk up to him. Wand out threateningly. Little bit of Avada Kedavra here, little bit of Cruicio there. Sounds like a plan. But, of course, it would_ never_ work! What could possibly kill Albus Dumbledore? I really was staring death in the face. There was nowhere I could run. After all, I had just been threatened by Lord Voldemort. I doubt he makes jokes that often. I took in a deep breath, and scanned over the letter once more. I couldn't do it. How was I supposed to complete _this_ task? I could feel my composure beginning to crack. In a sudden burst of anger, I threw the letter away and let out a frustrated scream.

'What? What is it?' Black asked, the tone of his voice sounded rather like worry.

'Why don't you just read the letter and satisfy your sadistic little cravings to make my life hell, Black,' I spat furiously. Of course, my life was already hell. In a few days I would have a Dark Mark. I didn't want to know what would happen if I didn't oblige and make my way to the Forbidden Forest. Beaten up most likely. Or murdered. At the moment, I was willing to take either. I ran a hand through my hair, before I watched Black read the letter. He looked angry.

In a flash, he turned to me. 'So you really are going to be a little Death Eater, aren't you?' he growled, waving the piece of parchment about.

'I don't really have a choice, you asshole,' I hissed. 'Did you even read the letter? I don't get many options in this, Black. It's do or die. And they aren't great options!'

'You – You can't!'

'And what do you propose I do? Kill myself? Walk up to Dumbledore and go 'Hey, I've been set a task by Voldemort, and I have to kill you' and then ask him to let me do it because _my_ life is at stake. Think about it, Black!'

'Maybe you should kill yourself then –'

'I'm not a coward.'

'Run away then; do what I did.'

I laughed haughtily, and shook my head. 'This is Voldemort I'm dealing with. I don't particularly want to play hide and seek with him.'

'So you're going to _go through_ with this?'

'I don't know what I'm going to do. You really don't realise how complicated my life is – especially now that you've stuck your foot in it. It would be considerably less complex if you didn't know anything about it at all,' I ranted, throwing my hands in the air. Why did he have to be such an insufferable, involved prat? Perhaps I should murder him as well – I might get extra credit. He is a traitor after all. Then, there was of course the problem of Black and his big mouth. Knowing my luck, copies of that bloody letter would be plastered on the walls tomorrow morning. Threatening him might help... 'Black, you must swear to Merlin that you won't repeat to anyone what you read. If you do ... you'll be wishing it was Voldemort torturing you to death.'

That was quite a good threat. I'm rather pleased with myself.

'Why would I want to tell anyone? People would start to wonder how I knew – might think I got a little too involved with a Death Eater,' Black taunted. I have to say, I was considerably shocked by what he said. But that shock quickly turned to anger.

'You really don't get it, do you, Black? I don't _want_ to be a Death Eater – I don't to go through with any of the barbaric and disgusting things they do. In fact, I don't want anything to do with this – but I really don't have any other choice! I was just threatened by Voldemort. He doesn't care for my life; I'm just his puppet. The only bargain I get is those options. I either go through with the task, or die. I don't want to die, and neither do I want to murder Dumbledore,' I said, growing exceedingly angry that he was so oblivious to what I was saying. 'Everyone would hate me – I'm already hated enough for Merlin's sake.'

Black looked confused, his eyebrows were knitted into the middle of his forehead. 'Why?'

'Why?' I repeated; surely it was blatantly obvious. 'I come from a Death Eater family, and I still live with them. Everything about my family and the people I am forced to socialize with scream Death Eater. That's the reason I have no friends; no one wants anything to do with me. They all think I'm a conceited, pessimistic bitch, but I know I am – wouldn't you be if you lived with the family I do? If I was anything but that, I dread to think what might happen to me.' I was pouring out my thoughts to Black of all people. What the fuck was I thinking? When I finish he'll probably turn around and start laughing in my face. 'In a way I'm envious of you, Black. You escaped all the things that I'm having to go through – at first I thought you were a coward – now I wish I had done the same...'

'You still can. There's still time.'

'For me to run away? To where exactly? And it's not that simple. There are about six Death Eaters in Hogwarts, all watching me. Everyone knows that I'm the liability of this mission. Imagine what would happen if I even tried to escape.'

'Well .. I – I'll help you,' Black said; I glanced at him, my eyebrow raised. He had just offered to help me. Now there was something you didn't witness every day. 'It's my fault I know about this anyway...'

'That's very … _valiant_ of you, Black. But – '

'No. I want to help you – as long as you're not for going through with killing Dumbledore, then I'll help you.'

'Of course I'm not going to kill him! What do you take me for? I'm not a murderer!'

'Just checking.'

~x~

I was undecided as to whether or not Black knowing was favourable. It did have its advantages though. Even if I refused to acknowledge it, Black was intelligent – though he hid it behind that egotistical, arrogant, big-headed playboy character. That was something I disliked greatly. His arrogance was somewhat … irritating. Although, he knew right from wrong. And certainly, his cognition of making distractions, and such – or what he calls, pranks – would indefinitely come in rather useful. The only thing that bothered me, really, was his big mouth. I didn't fully trust him, but, I _had_ to.

It had been days since I first read the letter. At the beginning, I was rather hysterical. I couldn't focus on anything, and all my thoughts reverted back to the task. And what was slowing edging its way closer. In a few days, I would have to venture into the forest in search of the portkey. I didn't want to. I didn't want that ugly, hideous thing on my arm. I didn't want to be a member of a gang of murderers. I was a sixteen year old girl. Who spends most of her time in the library. And who has no thirst to end up in duels, or make peoples lives hell. Yes, I was exactly the type of material Voldemort wanted. Perhaps he's starting up a new campaign. Girls who torture people into reading books about the Dark Arts and how spectacular it is. Or perhaps, he chose me because he thinks I'm utterly worthless. Hmmm. I have to admit, I did wonder _why_ he chose me of all the Death Eaters in school. I wasn't even a bloody Death Eater! Maybe I should suggest a question and answer meeting once I get this hideous thing tattooed on my arm. Perhaps then, I would get some answers. Or tortured for being bold.

For it being the fifth day of November, it was rather nice outside. It wasn't warm – I had taken to wearing three layers, so I wouldn't freeze to death. But, it was sunny. And, I wasn't the only student basking in the little sunlight available – Black and his little band of friends were sitting by the lake, about one hundred yards from where I was seated. I couldn't deny that I wasn't spying on them – but that was just by coincidence. They had sauntered past me just after I had sat down. Black didn't look at me once. Which, I was rather grateful of. It showed that he was taking this seriously (no pun intended) and didn't want his posse to find out. Although, I was still rather paranoid that he would let it slip.

As I watched them, I couldn't help but notice how intriguing their little group was. There was Potter, who was similar to Black – egotistical, insufferable and big-headed. And then there was the werewolf, Remus Lupin. He seemed quiet, yet no doubt the mastermind behind all of their escapades – he was very intelligent. And lastly, was Peter Pettigrew, the oddball of the group. It was almost like he was a leech, a parasite, living off the others. He didn't look part of the group at all. He seemed quiet, but rather vindictive, and sly. He struck me as power-hungry. I didn't like the look of him. Perhaps it was because my brother, Judas had mentioned that he had noticed him watching him and his Death Eater friends – not like Potter and Black would, with murderous expressions – Pettigrew watched them with interest. That did make me wonder...

I sat on the grass for a while; the sun was beginning to set. It wasn't long before Black and his friends made their way towards the castle. I watched them expressionlessly as the trotted past. Potter gave me a little glare. I sneered back. What was his problem? I don't ever recall giving him grief. Then again, I did hate him. He had stupid hair. And stupid glasses. And an unbearable attitude. No wonder Lily Evans hated him. Lupin gave me a curt nod. At least he was civil. Pettigrew looked either nervous, or intrigued. I couldn't tell. Black was falling behind; perhaps this was on purpose? As his posse disappeared into the courtyard, he stopped in front of me.

'I was thinking – '

'I hope it didn't hurt too much,' I taunted, smirking.

Black sighed exasperatedly, and rolled his eyes. 'Very funny – '

'I'm glad you think so.'

He was getting irritated. For being a Gryffindor, and a known prankster, he couldn't take a joke very well. How petty. 'Listen, I thought that maybe you should go to Dumbledore and tell him everything. At least then you'd have one of the greatest wizards of all time on your side. And, he'd understand...'

I stared at him. Why had I not thought of this before? I was supposed to be the smart one! So much for being a Ravenclaw... Ah. Black had yet to notice a flaw in this otherwise brilliant idea. 'But what about the Death Eaters in school? I am being watched very carefully, you know. And, I can't exactly just waltz up to Dumbledore – it would look incredibly suspicious.'

'Then create a diversion.'

'And how, pray tell, do you propose I do that?'

'Leave that to me.'

**Hope you liked the chapter! As always, REVIEWS, are greatly appreciated! I do love to get feedback, and reading your opinions. Thanks for reading!**

**P.S .. i would like ten reviews before I post the next chapter. As I do have quite a few stories, it's hard to try and organise which one I update and when. Naturally, I update the ones with the most feedback first. So, I hope it's not to much to ask from my readers to tell me what you think of this story. Thanks.**


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